he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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