the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Randomize