i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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