I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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