So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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