We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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