He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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