You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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