yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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