I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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