you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize