pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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