is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize