Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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