Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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