covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
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I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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