I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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