I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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