cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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