look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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