once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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