Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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