Where is the hickey?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize