You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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