the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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