It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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