guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize