I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize