Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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