saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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