For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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