those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
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No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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