I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
