i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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