did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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