I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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