so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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