I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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