Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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