Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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