the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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