I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize