And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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