I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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