everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She announced her abortion via fbk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
