I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh god it's open bar.
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