Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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