you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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