i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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