that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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