Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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